


No Right

by TheChichiSlaughterHouse



Series: AkiHaru Drabbles [3]
Category: Given (Anime), Given (Manga)
Genre: Angst, Guilt, Longing, M/M, Manga spoilers up to chapter 28
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:41:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27063583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheChichiSlaughterHouse/pseuds/TheChichiSlaughterHouse
Summary: Akihiko wants Haruki really badly and is struggling to keep himself in check.(Set during the timeframe of chapter 28 after page 3. Rated M for brief depiction of sexual actions.)
Relationships: Kaji Akihiko/Nakayama Haruki
Series: AkiHaru Drabbles [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1912387
Comments: 2
Kudos: 56





	No Right

**Author's Note:**

> No Right
> 
> By The Chichi Slaughter House
> 
> Warnings: AkiHaru, angst, sex act (masturbation), spoilers for chapter 20 onwards.
> 
> Disclaimer: Given belongs to Kizu Natsuki.
> 
> Rating: R (I guess?)
> 
> Me: I love Akihiko
> 
> Also me: *writes this*
> 
> [Twitter](http://twitter.com/slaughterchichi) | [Tumblr](http://slaughterchichi.tumblr.com) | [Pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.social/slaughterchichi) | [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/slaughterchichi)

Akihiko sat down on his bed, taking a slow breath to calm himself down. Ever since he’d moved out of Haruki’s house, the impulse to kiss him had been almost too strong to bear. It was one of the reasons he’d opted to leave, to get his life in order before he made a move. Realising his feelings for the other man had been both a blessing and a curse; the motivation he needed to sort himself out but at the same time a reminder of how much he’d fucked up.

It was precisely because he loved Haruki that he couldn’t rush things – he had to do this right, shake off the uncomfortable things he’d been hiding first. It was too late to stop Haruki finding out about them but not too late to change; quitting all the unpalatable jobs and blocking phone numbers so he could move on.

Today had felt like a little too much though: Haruki had been smiling, laughing and lightly sweating in a way that reminded Akihiko all too much of the night on the riverbank. All he’d wanted to do was grab him by the neck and kiss the hell out of him, excusing himself after band practise to rush home as soon as possible.

Akihiko had thought being alone would help, but as soon as he was on his bed he’d shoved his pants down, stroking himself roughly. Thinking of holding him close, stroking his spine—

The smell of Haruki’s hair, the taste of his skin, the softness of his lips. The warmth of him on his palm, the sound of his voice when he was gasping for air. Things Akihiko shouldn’t know, shouldn’t even think about after the way he’d learned them. Impossible to forget, to imagine differently now that he knew.

Guilt and shame welled up in him as he stopped his hand and forced his eyes open. A heavy weight pressing down in his stomach as he yanked his pants back up and wrapped his arms around his knees, burying his face in them as if to hide it. The roaring of the printing press outside his flat did nothing to calm him down; only reminding him that he was alone, ringing in his ears like some form of punishment though it would never be enough.

He hated that he remembered it so vividly, that it crept into his thoughts at times like this. Times when he should have been able to think of anything else, to picture a better scenario not founded on that rash action. More than that though, Akihiko hated himself for doing it in the first place. Haruki deserved better than that, for that moment to be thought of in this way even if it wasn’t on purpose.

Akihiko felt sick. Both physically and mentally, wetness building at the edges of his eyes. Disgusted with himself, angry and frustrated that he couldn’t get past this memory.

He’d never masturbate again. He didn’t have the right to.


End file.
